I have always liked the aphorism attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt: “A woman is like a tea-bag – you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water”; partly because it combines two of my favourite things (female empowerment and tea) and party because it conveys a can-do attitude and a belief that we all, deep down, have reserves of resilience.

Resilience is a theme we have adopted this year and a concept we are talking about in lessons and assemblies. Resilience is not a quality that we are born with, but one that we acquire, either through experience, or perhaps through failure or through finding ourselves in hot water.  

During Wellbeing this week, students in various years enjoyed a talk on this very topic by Ben Aldridge, author of ‘How to Control the Uncontrollable: 10 Game Changing Ideas to Help You Think Like a Stoic and Build a Resilient Life’. In a talk originally delivered to our sisters schools, Putney High and Norwich High, Ben took listeners through some top tips to build resilience, many of which involved finding ways to “intentionally” experience “voluntary discomfort”: taking a cold shower; approaching commuters on the Tube and telling dad jokes (an idea that piqued Mr Marsh’s interest immediately); and walking backwards through Hyde Park were some of the examples shared. 

In other words, Ben’s advice was that we should actively seek opportunities for discomfort; we should voluntarily dunk ourselves in hot water. The idea is that we will survive, and we will surprise ourselves with what can be achieved. Much like the effect of hot water on the tea-bag, our inner strength will be revealed.

But what if we can’t withstand the metaphorical hot water or we need time to build strength through experience?

During assembly on Wednesday, I offered Year 11 a different angle on resilience. I told them about a speech I had enjoyed at the recent GSA Conference delivered by Mandy Hickson, fighter pilot and author of ‘An Officer. Not a Gentleman’. Mandy spoke about being the first woman to fly the Tornado GR4 fast jet, and about the sexism (both institutional and everyday) she encountered during her career. 

During her talk, Mandy offered this reflection on resilience: “You can’t just be resilient if you don’t have a purpose”. This is so true. Without the absolute determination to achieve her goal, Mandy would not have found resilience to withstand the many set-backs she faced. 

As I said to Year 11, they (along with Year 13) have just completed their mock exams – the equivalent of dipping their toes in hot water. Some will have triumphed, but others may be feeling temporarily exposed, disappointed, or lacking in confidence. There is no doubt that they will all have emerged stronger – as Eleanor Roosevelt knew, any mistakes or failures will have yielded valuable lessons – but this effect may only be appreciated in hindsight. 

The answer to this is to look ahead and beyond, to find the purpose, whether that be the desire to achieve a particular grade to access an A Level course, the need to hit specific entry requirements for post-16 study, or grades to meet a university offer. When we set our sights on something, we spark resilience. 

Tea-bags and fast jets: two lessons in resilience.